Finishing things and first thought best thought.
Two ideas from monks that collided with me trying to put chicken in a cage.
There is this idea: you need to finish things.
One guy, on internet. Monk. Said:
“There are only two mistakes.
One not starting the thing, and second not finishing.“
Okay, and I mixed it with the other idea of budhism:
“First thought best thought.”
And a scenario happend.
A chicken jumped out of a the thing, where they are protected during the night. Their sleepy place. Cage. Exactly.
And she was out, and my first thought was to put her in. How?
Through the front door.
And I went and wanted her to go there. And she wasn’t having it.
Then, I saw how there are the side doors. Right next to her. Where she jumped down.
Now, I’ve had a dillema. I would open it, but what about the must so it as a first thought. Finish it. You know?
Reluctantly opened the door and let her in.
And then I’ve had the OCD.
“Oh no, i didn’t finish it.” Or rather: ”I didn’t finished it as the first idea was. The way I was suppose to do it.”
And thats where I got really unhappy. I started to go away really fast. Thinking, how I cannot go back and there is this already trained: ”You must finish it perfect otherwise it will screw everything, your habit of not doing it. Do it till you have the ability to …”
Huh. And I did beat myself. This is the only way and the right way. And if I don’t do it perfectly. All other things I would do like that and…
You see how a control freak those two things can become? You do it no matter what?
Okay, here is the thing. I somehow understood those two senteces like this. If there is an idea, first idea I need to follow it and then finish it no matter what.
But if I do understand anything about budhism they are all about the moment. Present moment. And in present moment the first idea is to put her there.
But now we are in conflict a bit with the shao-ling guy who said: ”First is not starting it and second not finishing it”
But again. He doesn’t say anywhere there that I cannot go different path.
Do you see the dillema here. The finishing thing helped me a lot and the first idea. It simplify the life.
I don’t go back so often: ”Oh, I forgot that or this.” I just go with this was the first idea I must finish it.
And it becomes rigid and tyranical. Could backfire when going vaccinating against your will. Then you go all bunkers because the chicken didn’t go through the hole she was suppose to. Or planned her to go.
And i think the fault here is in our perpendicular, very straight, no abnormalities, straight walls.
We live in those fuxking straight wall world, surrounded by straight computers and everything works as planned to a decrement of our minds becomening crazy with the illusion: ”We can control things.”
We control shit. Not even a chicken. She really pissed all over my OCD. ”I cannot go back, she is already among the others. And force her out.
Teah I really did think stuff like that beccuse! Because, I am all discipline and you must follow the first idea. The fuck with that.
See thats why we are so sick when we are outside the nature.
Oh yes! I know what was haunting me. Great man do exactly what they said they would do no matter what. And if I’ve thought, I would put her inside through that front door. See how it can go nuts fast? Even on this chicken example.