Boring conversations
How to navigate aliveness in them.
Me and my friend, were talking yesterday, and he took the conversation to a place where I was completely uninterested to talk about. I had a need in mind, a question where I wanted to go, and he didn’t go there.
The boringness started to rise. And now, you have this moment, you don’t want to interrupt him. It would be rude or whatever, right?
But you feel that you don’t want to go there. I noticed it and put the need in front and said to him: “Hey. I don’t really seem drawn to what you are saying. Not that it isn’t interesting by itself, But I just don’t want to go there.” Mubled it there.
And funny thing is, he lightened up. Like, was even happy about it.
We are doing this to both of us when we are not speaking that what’s alive in us. We are doing a disservice to both, because, he is probably talking and noticing maybe unconsciously, that you are not interested. You are trying to make it more interesting, because he seemed not interested, and by pushing more, trying to make it more interesting.
And in the process destroying the normal flow of story out of this anxiety. And him getting even more not interested in what you are saying because it’s so overwly inflated maybe. And trying to say: “Oh you don’t want to her it” and him saying: “Oh no, please ocntinue.” Adn you continue, but still feel the same.
And he was trying to be polite, and you were trying to be good at the story and both of you jsut were eating a different side of the cake.
SEe? And my experience usually is, when I put in front what is alive in me. The best is in the form of feeling, they usually get it. Sometimes they even like feel relieve, or feel happy about.
Or when I am on the other side. I am the one talking. And I see him being totally bored. And seeing how he is drifting away with his face. The moemnt I say: “Ahh. but you are not interestied” He like lightened up. He is happy that I noticed.
And trust me, none of us wants this. None of us wants to be talking soemthing the other don’t want to listen and vice versa. Even now, if you expected this article to give you something I don’t provide. You get bored. And would quit.
So yeah. NExt time you would have a conversation. Look for those alive points. I know you want to say that story, but if you see them not respondng. Maybe find another one, or write it down. Fulfill your need to sharing somehow else. Liek for expample on medium. Like I do.
Not that nobody wants to listen to me. But find people who wants to listen what you have to say. Oh yeah, now. It felt like a slogan. And those are the ones that destroy the aliveness of what you write like nothing else.
You know them, when you write. They feel used.
Okay that’s probably all.
